"How do I start getting you horny again?"
My husband used to ask me this, out of desire to figure out what he could do to get me all hot and bothered and in the mood for some passionate sex.
There's no simple answer. Women are complicated. Or as my husband puts it "Women are tricky." What worked the last time won’t necessarily work the next time. There is no simple answer, but there are ways to consistently get a woman horny.
The problem is that married women are different. Being with the same person year after year changes you both, and familiarity kills the romance. It becomes challenging to keep the libido going for the same person. This doesn't reflect badly on either spouse, it's just one of the effects of being together so long. It's natural for this to happen.
To tell you the truth, I don’t even know why there are times when I get turned by my husband, but it happens. Other times I see him as a friend or a father, but not as a lover.
I must admit since I started taking responsibility for my own sexuality and developing my sexual attitude by changing my outlook, my diet, exercising (even my vagina muscles) and expressing my femininity and sexuality with other men (with my husband's approval of course), it's a lot easier to get turned on. And the finish (orgasm) is sooooo much easier and better now, thanks to the way I now see my life.
Exercise, Kegels, diet and attitude changes don’t completely explain why I sometimes get really turned on though. Arousal for me, like most woman, is only partly physical. Granted a woman’s sexual engine must be running smoothly for her to get turned on, but the emotional and psychological triggers can be tough to explain.
It’s kind of like asking a guy why he gets turned on by an attractive woman. Him saying he is attracted to a woman because she is "hot" or "sexy" doesn’t say what it is about her that makes her "sexy". He could say it's her curves or her breasts or her butt. But if you ask him why that makes her attractive he will most likely say something like "it just does" and not be able to really explain why.
A guy just knows when he's attracted to a woman. A "woman’s charms" are pretty well understood by men---and women too for that matter. But a "man’s charms", or in other words what it is about a man that turns a woman on, is harder to define--even for us women. We can say this or that turns us on, but in reality it is often something totally different from what we think. Many times women are not even consciously aware of what turns us on. We just know when we are turned on, but not necessarily how we got that way.
No wonder men say they don’t know what women want, because I think we often don’t know ourselves--or at least can't explain it. And while we may not know what we want, we DO respond when we get it! We can't help it, it's how we're made. When we respond (as in getting all hot and bothered) it becomes easier for the man to jump our bones. We give in quicker or don't resist at all.
One common mistake is thinking that making a woman feel loved and cherished will make her horny. WRONG! I know this must be confusing because a lot of relationship gurus talk about how important the "relationship" is to a woman. This is true only in one sense. Having a good relationship is important to a woman and makes her open to the idea of having sex. But feeling loved and cherished does not get a woman aroused. Her sexual stimulation comes from different things altogether. But she cannot respond to those stimulations if she doesn't have a good relationship. Confusing aren't we?
So if being a good man, making a woman feel loved, and doing romantic things aren’t the key to getting a married woman horny, then what will?
The easy answer is: Seduction! The real answer is: Seduction by someone else!
That's right. Someone else!! Married women respond much more to being seduced by someone else. Why? Because seduction involves the unknown and teasing and potential pleasures. Seduction tickles the mind and the body with promises of new sensations and new feelings and new experiences. Seduction is all about being teased into something unfamiliar...new...exciting!
After being with her husband for years and sleeping with him many thousands of times there is nothing new for a husband and wife to experience. They've probably done everything possible. They're completely familiar with each other. There's no electricity. Familiarity sets in, and with familiarity comes boredom.
Familiarity and a robust libido do not cohabitate. Long, stable relationships loving and cherishing each other are wonderful for the institution of marriage, but it's a libido killer!
That's why many couples end up cheating on each other, or divorcing. Sex is an important part of the human experience. We NEED good sex in our lives. If we don't have it then many people (men and women) will look elsewhere for it.
That's one of the reasons my husband and I chose to enter this lifestyle together. We understand what happens in the bedroom and rather than ignore it or risk more (of my) cheating we decided to be open. Being honest helped us cure this problem. Today we are both happy and we have an exciting, fulfilling sex life.
Since we began this lifestyle I stay horny much more than I did in the past. Sure it is other men that seduce me, but my husband understands why that is necessary. I have exciting sex outside my marriage, but that's the point. I'M HAVING EXCITING SEX again! My libido is back and I love it. My husband is happy with it for two reasons: he enjoys knowing what I do when I'm with other men (it arouses him) AND I bring home that lust to share with him. So he benefits from our arrangement just as much as I do (almost!). Our bedroom has electricity again.
It works for us. Could it work for you?